Some Unwritten Letters

Dear ________,

I know you'll never know, but there are times when I miss you so very much. I think about all we had, and all we could have had. It makes me so sad sometimes I don't know what to do. I like to think that I've moved on and most of the time I have, but from time to time I look back and and just relapse. I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. I wish we could still talk how we used to, just the two of us for hours at a time, just talking about whatever came to our minds. I know I can probably never have that with you again, but I hope someday we can at least be friends again.

Dear _______,

I miss talking to you. I know I didn't get much of a chance to know you, and I know I wasn't really that close to you. But I feel like us talking helped you though hard times. I want to keep doing that, but I feel like you don't want me in your life anymore. I'm scared to say anything as the past couple of times I've tried to say anything to you I've gotten the cold shoulder. Oh well I guess, I'm used to this kind of thing by now.

Things I'm not good at

I've realized there are some things I'm just not good at.

School is one of those. I'm also fairly poor at drawing. I can do stick-figures, and some simple things don't look TOO terrible, but I'm not great.

I've also realized recently that I'm just horrible at starting conversations with women.

As sad as it is, I started an account on this website called "Okcupid".

It's a dating site.

And I suck at it.

I had hoped this would turn around my up-to-this-point shitty track record with the fairer gender.

As of this posting, I have had one person respond to a message I sent attempting to start a conversation, but I managed to dead-end the messaging like a pro. The only other person to respond I'm pretty sure was a robot attempting to hack into my computer, as after trying to talk to them on Yahoo messenger, the just were "typing" for like 10 minutes, so I freaked out and closed the convo. Next day the account on Okcupid was deleted.

I think I may just resign myself to a life of single-hood and just stop trying.

Would be less disappointment if I never expect anything to happen. Setting my sights low like this may seem pessimistic, but I don't really have anything left.

A Momentous Night

Tonight was fun.

Not the MOST fun I've had recently, but something I needed.

I felt like a very old man though. I ended up at this party a younger friend of mine was throwing. I brought some cigars and a bottle of Maker's 46, a quite wonderful bourbon. I hadn't seen this friend for a good long while so it was nice to catch up and smoke a cigar with him. Later in the evening I ended up sitting by the pool with ANOTHER old friend and ANOTHER cigar, sipping my bourbon and chatting idly by...until SHE showed up.

She of course being my latest ex. I had only run into her once this summer, and we didn't even speak. She ended up coming over and sitting down with us and talking with us.

This after totally ignoring me previous times we had encountered each other.

I really had hoped to not have to deal with this at all this summer.

I wanted that part of my life to be past me, but then here it is walking right up and sitting down. I NEED to not let my self get dragged back into that hell-hole I was living in for the past 8 months. I have to not regress. I fought so fucking hard to get myself past her.

I had planned on spending the rest of my life with her. I was fully content to do whatever it would take to make her happy. All I wanted was for her to my "Star" as Neil Gaiman might put it. I wanted my fairytale ending. I thought I had found it.

No point in dwelling on it now I guess. I have work in the morning. Maybe I'll forget it all happened, maybe I'm still tipsy and just type type typing away. Though even if I DO forget it I have written proof it happened and will only remind myself...

Fuck

And now for something completely different

So I figured I'd change things up from my normal depressive self and try being funny!

Lets take a look at dogs shall we? In particular, lets look at the Corgi....they may or may not be the most adorable fucking things I've EVER seen...don't know what they look like? i'll save you

the trouble of Google searching it

Tell me you didn't just go "D'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...." at that...if you didn't, you're either not human or you need to see another...

Yup...if you didn't just gush a little you're probably a robot.

It's like someone took a husky puppy, mixed it with some kind of biological hot-dog bun....

(Did someone say me?)

And made it's legs adorably disproportionate....

You might even say that Corgis are the "Minions" of the dog world, just adorable little things that only want to make you happy.

All in all, one of the cutest fucking things ever.

That's it. I'm done.

Probably not all that funny, but hey! It's a try!

All images © of their respective owners, I claim no ownership over any images.

Some more Pointless rambling

Time for some more pointless rambling. I'm not entirely sure why I do this. Maybe it helps me in the long run. Maybe people actually read it. Who knows. My last post was pretty negative. I should probably apologize for that, to the people who may or may not actually care. I'm sorry. I was upset, I wasn't thinking, and I most assuredly am not THAT angry about it. It's just I really care a lot for her, and had been really hoping that things would actually work out with her. She's one of the few positive things that's happened to me since my ex. She's also one of the few chicks I can REALLY talk to, really open up to. I'm going to stick with it though, as her friend. If down the road she feels comfortable with dudes again and hasn't grown completely sick of me as most women seem to, then hey...maybe something can happen. At this point I'm reallllllly trying to not hope against hope that it will, because if nothing does it's going to suck. A lot. So I'm actually trying to be negative about it in a way. That's a good way to live right? Right? Yea that's got to be it. 0_0

I'ma be the best damn friend I can be. Unless she grows tired and finds all cool new friends at U of I, in which case I'll do what I'm second best at after waiting for people...Fade into the background and just disappear.

Boy that's a downer huh?

Sure is...

Blargyblagoblog

I don't even fucking know...there's no point in me typing this. No one reads it. No one cares. I guess it helps me a bit. Whatever.

This day pretty much blows. I worked a pointless shift. I sat at home and did nothing but watch movies by myself and paint figurines in my room. I'm pretty sure this is proof that I'm going to die alone. But I've known about that for a while now...whatever...fuck this noise.

Nothings happened with that Girl. Nothing probably will. Such is my luck.

Still have a shitty job.

Fuck Everything

Fuck this day

See Title. This day has fucking sucked.

I get to work after waking up late. Find that not only is my retarded Manager there, so is the FUCKING OWNER OF THE STORE.

This of course means that everything anyone does is wrong.

I end up scrubbing fucking walls.

I spend about an hour wrist deep in something I can only describe as "Sticky-tac mixed with a prolific amount of grease and left to sit in the sun for a day or two".

I got to scrape this out of a drain with a fucking chisel...

I'm so glad I work at a Subway.

The end.