Hurp de Durp

So I haven't written in this for a while. I don't feel too bad about it, as I'm rather boring anyway. I got fired a little while ago from that hellhole. Apparently I "Left some crumbs and a straw wrapper on the floor" and this was enough to get written up and fired. So fuck them. I've got an interview at Fry's Electronics tomorrow. Here's hoping that goes well. Other than that everything is pretty much the same. STILL have not heard anything from that girl on OkCupid. Fairly certain I wont again, but such is my life. I've got a whopping 12 bucks in my checking account. WHOO.


That's about it.

I'm super boring, I know.

Blugh

For anyone who reads this, I apologize.

I have recently been a bit whiny, and I'm sorry. Things recently have just really gotten too much for me and I kinda snapped.

My job is terribly shitty and unsatisfying. I don't get paid anywhere nearly enough.

My Mother recently broke her shoulder in three places and I've had to take over all of her responsibilities at home.

I feel totally and utterly burned out about school.

Despite numerous women telling me "I'm such a wonderful person" or I'm "Such a great guy", I am absolutely unappealing it would seem as a boyfriend.

Many people whom I used to count as friends have turned into very bitchy individuals since going to college.

It just got too much for me. I'm sorry.

Alone on a Bicycle for two

Things are not so good.

I still have a shitty job. There are days when I contemplate driving into the wall of the store rather than go in. I never do, but maybe that's just a sign of being weak-willed.

I've been single over a year now. I hardly noticed that the day had come up. I suppose that's a good sign, that I've moved on enough to not be affected by a date like that. There are still some days, usually before bed, where I lay in bed and feel like dying I miss her so much. I know I shouldn't, that the relationship I was in wasn't good for me, but I was happy goddammit. It was the one time in my life I've really felt like every thing was actually going my way for once. I've not felt it since. I thought things were looking up a few months back, but as usual I got my hopes up. One would think I would have learned by now not to do that. I guess old habits die hard, but I think this is one habit I've finally killed. I've been talking back and forth with this girl online, but I'm sure nothing will come of it; Nothing ever does, so there is no point in wishing it to.

I tried applying for a different job. It would have been my dream job. I'd get to work with fantastic people, great customers, an amazing discount on my hobby. It would have finally made something in my life be good. My friend got it. I've applied for a few others but probably wont hear anything.

My Mom also broke her shoulder recently in addition to getting 2nd degree burns on her left leg. This had needless to say made life at home so much better. It's hard to type sarcasm but I hope you got that. Not that anyone really reads this though, so I suppose it doesn't make much difference. I really wonder what the point is sometimes.

Why?

I really feel like breaking right now. Nothing is going well for me. I thought things were looking up. I was talking to that pretty and really cool chick on that website, I had two job interviews from the same place. And now I have 2 weeks consecutive with no pay because my manager is a fucking cunt and suspended me because my pants had a small white stripe down the side of them. So I will have NO money to pay my bills on my next check it seems. I haven't heard from that chick for like 2 weeks. Heard nothing from that job. I just want to go walk of the edge of the world at this point. Not to mention I'm going to need to have my wisdom teeth taken out. THAT'LL be great. I'm just so sick of NOTHING going right for me. Ever.


ADDENDUM: I have realized that I have nothing to show for either my professional or my love life. I have no degree, I'm several years behind on any I SHOULD have, and I have never had a good relationship nor will I because I am repulsive, uninteresting, and terrible at talking to women.

A Great Idea

So I figured that since I haven't had an actual post about my life recently, I'd enlighten you all after a 2am Los run when I have an incredibly long day tomorrow. I'm so awesome!

So some potential good news for once.

I've actually talked with someone on that website I signed up for. So far as I can tell she isn't a robot, nor a man, so that's pretty good. Been messaging back and forth for about 2 weeks now, she seems pretty amazing and really digs my style, so who knows how that'll turn out. Fingers crossed though.

I also applied for a new job recently at Games Workshop. I really hope I get the job there because I just cannot stand it at Subway anymore. The pay would be better at GW, I'd probably get more hours than I do now, and I'd be surrounded by great people and get to do something I love.

That's really all that's happened. I lead a thrilling life I know.

Another bonus is that I get to see my friend today who's back home from Texas visiting the girl he just got back together with. I'm really happy for them. Something just wasn't right with the universe when they were broken up.

I suppose that's all for now. I'll probably go play some more Fallout 3 now till the wee hours in the morning and hate myself later...

A cold and wintry night

On a Winter night in the countryside, a small cottage sits wrapped in a blanket of freshly fallen snow and sparsely fenced by lightly dusted evergreens. Inside a man sits by the hearth quietly reading a tale of love and loss whilst the logs in the fireplace quietly mumble to each other in the language of flame. Snug in a sweater from days of his past he rests his weary head against the soft, broken-in leather of an old, familiar easy chair. At his feet, a dog; at his side, a liquid confidant the color of amber; and on his lips, a sigh for things once loved and forever lost. Here he rests with his book of woe and wonderment until the night recedes and the dawn draws near. Closing his book, draining his glass, and waking his pet he wanders off to await the embrace of his dreams.

Some Unwritten Letters

Dear ________,

I know you'll never know, but there are times when I miss you so very much. I think about all we had, and all we could have had. It makes me so sad sometimes I don't know what to do. I like to think that I've moved on and most of the time I have, but from time to time I look back and and just relapse. I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. I wish we could still talk how we used to, just the two of us for hours at a time, just talking about whatever came to our minds. I know I can probably never have that with you again, but I hope someday we can at least be friends again.

Dear _______,

I miss talking to you. I know I didn't get much of a chance to know you, and I know I wasn't really that close to you. But I feel like us talking helped you though hard times. I want to keep doing that, but I feel like you don't want me in your life anymore. I'm scared to say anything as the past couple of times I've tried to say anything to you I've gotten the cold shoulder. Oh well I guess, I'm used to this kind of thing by now.