A Change I need

I've been really depressed lately. I feel so alone. Sure I have my friends, but there's a hole in my heart that can't be filled by friendship. I realized it on New Years Eve. As the clock closed in on midnight I started to think about how I was once again going to ring in the new year without a special someone to share it with. All I could think back to was the last New Years I was happy. I honestly wish I had never been involved in that relationship. Before it I was unhappy but I could tolerate it, and I was excited about the thrill of dating and the challenges it posed. Now I just feel hollow inside. Anytime I sense a fraction of a percent of a chance that someone may be flirting with me I get all hopeful, which only leads me to more sadness. I just need to get out of this rut and find someone who really cares for me; someone who knows my faults and failures as a person and is willing to put up with me and help where I need it. I'm starting to feel like such a person doesn't actually exist. It seems like anyone I feel like I have a chance with I somehow mess things up. Perhaps I should just live a life of quiet solitude in the mountains somewhere away from everything. Perhaps not...I just don't know anymore